Hipster guest writer series

I'm very excited to begin what I hope will be a weekly series of guest writers, mostly because a hipster's worth grows exponentially by the amount of friends he or she has. Without further ado, I introduce one of my most lovely hipster friends, Mr. Darth Kerouacus:


There's a reason Polaroid stopped making instant film. It sucks. At a dollar per photo (when film was actually available), the massive white frame around a miserable picture of your unimpressive and needlessly bespectacled hipster friend and/or cat, makes your photos look stupid. And, instant? I could listen to all of The Smiths' good songs in the time it takes to develop a Polaroid photograph. Oh, aren't you a quick one! That's right, there are no good Smiths songs.

Now, consider digital photos. They completely negate (pun) the need for instant film. You can't upload your Polaroid photograph to Facebook and tag your cat in it. Oh, but you can! Because there are 382 apps that can instantly cut your photograph's quality by a factor of ten, wash most of the color out, and throw an off-white border around it. The irony of that border? In Polaroids, it holds the photo's negative. What's in the border of a digitally rendered Polaroid photo? Just negative emotions, and irony. I know you understand irony. You paid five dollars too much for that PBR tallboy.

Let's draw some analogies, because that's more fun than watching a Polaroid photo develop. Making a high-quality photograph look like a low-quality Polaroid is like taking a high-fidelity audio recording, playing it over the phone to your white Macbook, making a crappy mp3, and uploading it to iTunes under the name Vampire Weekend. Oh wait, that's a true story. Okay, it's more like canceling your newspaper subscription and spending $700 on an Apple device only to find that all you do with it is read the newspaper...

Forget it, hipster.
 
-Darth Kerouacus